ALBUM REVIEW: On The Prowl – Steel Panther
For those of a sensitive disposition, you may want to close this review now. We’re going to be talking about sex, drugs, and male impotency rather explicitly. Though this is somewhat standard conversation for this writer in particular, as our editor-in-chief can attest to, there is an actual reason for it. Comedic glam-metallers STEEL PANTHER rise from the ashes once more and get On The Prowl. The follow-up to the rather anticlimactic Heavy Metal Rules (2019) comes with a hefty 13 tracks. Clocking in at 48 minutes, that isn’t the only thing that’s new around here. Following the sad departure of Lexxi Foxx (bass) as he went to pursue other dreams of making dogs look pretty, STEEL PANTHER went on the prowl (see what we did there) for a new bassist and eventually found Spyder. In actuality, Travis Haley (real name for Lexxi Foxx) left the band in 2021 to pursue a life away from the glitz and constant touring STEEL PANTHER had to offer after the rather odd HOLLYWOOD GODS N’ MONSTERS disappeared from the face of the planet. But allow us to indulge in the fantasy.
In any situation, the opening is very important. It’s a sign of how things are going to go. Will the resulting bed rocking be earth shattering or will it be a case of one and done? Never Too Late (To Get Some Pussy Tonight) is interesting in its synth-laden intro. It’s not new territory for STEEL PANTHER to use electronic elements – Supersonic Sex Machine does in places but this is the first time it’s more obvious. Stix Zadinia (drums/keys) leads the steady bounce into the urgency of getting “some gash” – not a word we’re particularly fond of but we’ll roll with it. It’s the delivery of Michael Starr’s vocals we begin to take some issue with from the off. There’s no denying Starr has incredible range and tone but even that can’t hide tired vocal cords. Is the strenuous touring schedule taking its toll? We’ll find out for ourselves when the band hits UK shores with WINGER this coming May. Back to the moment at hand and we’re reminded that disabled women need love too as a woman with one leg manages to give our man the slip. It’s not as in your face as the likes of Handicapped Slut, but who doesn’t love the subtlety of things? What becomes a gripe as the album goes on is the inventiveness of these choruses. Yes, repetition does get something stuck in the head eventually but it’s not something which should be relied on for a song construct.
Recent release Friends With Benefits ramps up the metal injection with a crispy riff from Satchel (guitar) coupled with wonderful 80s beats from Zadinia. This is where the warning at the top of the review quickly comes into play. For a band like STEEL PANTHER, lyrical content is everything. Is it as well versed as material from Feel The Steel (2009) or Balls Out (2011)? No, though we highly recommend this doesn’t get played in front of children. On the other hand, we can’t promise that “You get to drive my Maserati / I get to shower in your piss” won’t slip out of your mouth in front of grandpa. Content aside we again run into a lack of power in Starr’s vocals which doesn’t exactly fill us with confidence, though the musicality from Satchel more than makes up for it even if it does leave him to do a lot of the heavy lifting.
STEEL PANTHER aren’t all about sex. Shocking. They also care about beauty standards as slower track On Your Instagram goes to show. How many times have we been caught out by a filter and been unable to recognise the person standing before us when we meet up for that all-important date? A woman so beautiful it was like “Michaelangelo had nothing better to do” when AI uploaded her image to social media. On Your Instagram gives us a touch of WHITESNAKE in the melody but the chorus feels deflated. It’s a catchy song about the Instagram age ruining us all but the execution of the vocals is a slight shortfall. Fortunately, Put My Money Where Your Mouth Is comes with a riff so thick and juicy, we forget the previous ills for a moment. A dense lower end from Spyder slithers into the ear canal. Again… the vocals let it down slightly. Without sounding like a purist pining for Balls Out, it just doesn’t sound the same.
Speaking of leaving glory days behind, 1987 hankers for the good ol’ days where POISON made many a man question their sexuality. Starr’s vocals take a step up and fit into the song effortlessly. Though could that be down to cadence alone? Not entirely as the vocal harmonies are gorgeous to listen to when accompanied by an astonishing bassline. The aural call back to OZZY OSBOURNE’s Crazy Train after referencing the bat incident feels like the STEEL PANTHER of old, though does this mean we’ll still get the “joke” cover during live shows? Part of us hopes we don’t as that is a joke which has long but died. Wanting to die of embarrassment becomes the central theme of Teleporter. What’s the worst thing that could happen when you’re on a double date with some ladies who are “barely legal”? Wrong. You shit your pants, which is what happens here. We’ve all had some embarrassing stories within the sexual realm which makes Teleporter wildly relatable. Though again it’s the musical prowess from the band which does the heavy lifting. Especially when the idea of receiving fellatio from the family dog is revisited. If you think that’s crossing the line, wait a little longer.
“I’m a grown ass man so give it to me straight” Starr professes on the grindstone of Is My Dick Enough. Those expecting a ballad – this isn’t it. While STEEL PANTHER tackle a legitimate male concern and the tendency some women have to talk up their partner, the charm of the band shows some sign of returning. Self-awareness enters the conversation with lines such as “I’ve seen baby carrots with a lot more… circumference”. Slithering into a lower and slower solo doesn’t prepare us for what’s to come. Remember the line that’s being crossed. STEEL PANTHER cross it, roll a bank note and snort it with the following: “Giving you everything I got and it’s going in deep / But it still doesn’t even rouse you from your sleep”. There’s controversial and there’s controversial. We are all adults here so we should all know about consent. Have a conversation with your parents if you’re still sketchy on the subject. Is this STEEL PANTHER glorifying sexual assault? Yes, but they are not advocating for it and the line of conversation about this with the band at Distorted Sound is always open. The joke, while distasteful, should not be taken into the realm of the real world. More on this later.
In some remnant of shock, it takes a second to notice the synths come back in a glorious ditty to the female genitalia. A slower track with booming drums potentially mimicking the motion of lovemaking set the scene for a suckerpunch of a chorus opening; “I think I might be falling in love with…” the pause is just long enough for “Your vagina” to make the impact it needs to. Magical Vagina is one of the catchiest songs on this record but what’s clear to hear is the bass is a lot more solid on this album than it had been in previous efforts. That’s no slight on Foxx, the mix has changed to bring it closer to the forefront.
Speaking of forefront, has the band referenced the penis at all on this album? Not as much as they do in All That And More – a song similar to Supersonic Sex Machine but it’s no robot boasting “ten inches of perfection”. We sense a change in momentum from STEEL PANTHER here as Starr’s vocals improve massively in the lower register. We also hear the tongue in cheek humour this band is known for as their package “can win an election without Russian collusion”. The lilt of melody in the bridge from the guitar is glorious within a song as in your face as certain appendages would be during fellatio. The bigger joke comes from the song’s placement in the tracklist as it comes before One Pump Chump. There is no coincidence this is the shortest track on the album and cuts off before it gets good. It’s about time there was a celebration of the one and done crew as it happens more often than not. Moreso as it has the same effect on the listener as it does on the partner in bed; frustration and wanting a little more of the slightly faster Gloryhole.
Entering the final ménage á trois, we’re given something we weren’t entirely expecting. We would assume a track named Pornstar would be so musically sleazy you might want to cleanse your brain later. Instead, we have a ballad. A love letter to a woman who could have been a pornstar had they not ended up in a relationship with this wonderful man who cracks a joke about bulimia or Harvey Weinstein. Now we’re not about to get offended on other people’s behalf, what we’re about to say is purely this writer’s opinion. This has always been a band which has erred on the side of controversy for shock value and we understand that. Handicapped Slut, Gangbang At The Old Folks Home, Asian Hooker and plenty more from the catalogue have had tongues wagging. However there are some things you just don’t use as material for a cheap pop.
Something which is universal and more acceptable to joke about is the ageing process. Ain’t Dead Yet tells the story of a man reaching a certain age and still having sexual needs. As Gangbang At The Old Folks Home from All You Can Eat (2014) points out, the elderly still have desires, there’s nothing wrong with that. Talking about how he can’t “shoot the jizz no more” or the want for one last backstage pass so he can “ravage that juicy ass”, Starr’s voice does sound withered once more though we hope that’s for effect more than anything else. The old rocker that has “paid his dues” brings the album to a close with a track which can only be described as anticlimactic. Sleeping On The Rollaway is wonderfully heavy but something is missing. A cautionary tale of cheating on a partner, the closer doesn’t land how it should. Whether there’s a punchline to it or not, the premise floats above our oblivious heads. The track feels like we’ve been brought to the point of ecstasy only to never reach it. Just out of reach of utopia, we leave feeling disappointed.
Aural romp with STEEL PANTHER done, we’re left with the task of summing up what the hell we just experienced. The second half of the album, as well as Friends With Benefits, is some of the best material STEEL PANTHER has produced since All You Can Eat. There are glimpses of the tongue in cheek humour coming back while the juvenile lyricism is finally being left at the door where it belongs. While there are some clangers dropped as we’ve discussed, On The Prowl is a sign of all-round improvement. Little material will be able to emulate the likes of Death To All But Metal or 17 Girls In A Row’s prowess, which is why we kept those comparisons to a minimum, but we’re happy to finally find some fight in a band we were beginning to believe the party was well and truly over for.
Rating: 7/10
On The Prowl is out now via Steel Panther Inc.
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