Uniform: Finding Joy In The Mundane
Michael Berdan is a musician, writer, husband, dog owner, band manager, the average bad television enjoyer, horror lover, and vocalist of industrial noise outfit UNIFORM. Over the years the trio have focused on producing material that ultimately could only have a limited amount of cultural impact in the space that they occupy, or as Berdan describes it as “general middle aged white guy existential dread”. With their newest release, American Standard, the tides have shifted to something more pensive, personal, and vulnerable.
Despite how he comes across on record, Berdan is very gentle and well mannered in conversation, as he sits at his desk in his Brooklyn apartment – surrounded by cases of records, books and general tiny apartment clutter, he apologises for having to previously reschedule last minute.“I looked back at my notes recently and there were emails about the way we would structure this record, and the first one that I sent out was on New Year’s Day of 2022, we handed in the final mix at the end of February of 2024.”
The topic of American Standard sees Berdan open up about living with bulimia for the best part of 30 years, the horror that pours out of the record aims to match the despair that enduring something like that must result in. “I’d say we all wanted to take this as far as it could go, it’s not even so much that I’ve never talked about this in public. I’ve never talked about this period. But it’s this thing that has been haunting me since I was, like, 12 years old. So it’s always been there and you know, for me, as I continue to get older and make records, there has to be,” he pauses, choosing his words with great thought. “There has to be greater intent in creating art at this age. I’m too old. I’m too busy.”
Where does the verdant idealism, the habitual attitude to create something more, come from in the wake of the horrifying reality that is living with something like an eating disorder? Because God knows that sometimes even the best of us just have one bad moment in a day that floors us the next. Berdan exposing his flesh for the world to see the delicate portrait of himself is what should spur people on to create something that is more than just what they can muster the energy to.
Back in 2020 Berdan penned a piece for The Quietus about Cormac McCarthy, reflecting on his work and in turn the inspiration that McCarthy gave him as a creative. He said “I write because, although conceptually unoriginal, the thing that I want to create doesn’t quite exist yet.” It makes you wonder, is that something, the far off invisible standard that we set ourselves even attainable – it’s really easy to be pessimistic and cynical about. However, that hasn’t stopped UNIFORM. He admits that chasing that is still the goal in mind. “I remember being a young adolescent, and hearing; MINOR THREAT, or CRO-MAGS. And over the years that continued with other artists like SWANS. It develops but sometimes the exact thing that you’re trying to relate to isn’t there. This didn’t exist, now it does, and I feel unburdened.”
When we’re reluctant to do things, scary things, terrifying things, especially in the year 2024, we tend to steer clear of it, procrastinate and ignore the truth – it’s painful to face the facts that you run from for years. “It’s very easy for me to future trip, and to kind of get lost in either the glory or the wreckage of what may or may not happen and if I do that, then I’m neglecting the present, and the present requires immediate action. I can’t concern myself with the destination.” What proceeds is what seems like clarity for Berdan, looking like joy permeates slowly the longer he talks. “If you were to tell me when I was a different age that we would be having this conversation about a record that I made about this subject, as I’m sitting in my Brooklyn apartment, waiting for the love of my life wife to come home from work with a cute little dog sitting at my feet like that would have been inconceivable.”
“Things have fallen to shit hundreds of times, but I appreciate the fact that we’re having this conversation right now, and if I get further than that I get lost,” he says. The search for joy in the little mundane things is easier to find when something gives us a reason to be grateful for them. He speaks with the most confidence that he has for the past 30 minutes. “I find my joy being with family, I find my joy in knowing that my mother’s not worried about me and that I’m allowed to go to her house whenever. I find joy sitting in the park reading a book and smoking a cigar, you know. In phone calls and emails from old friends that you know I place too infrequently. Binge watching TV shows and my wife being irritated about my selections, I am propped up by psychiatric medication and a personal code of conduct. It’s given me purpose and fulfilment.”
He finishes “I love the mundane, my life has not always been mundane, and so I’m grateful for the mundane. Sometimes I’m even happy, sometimes. But, I’m always grateful.”
American Standard is out now via Sacred Bones.
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