EP REVIEW: The Shmeckoning – Tooms

Hoverflies. You know them best as little wasp lookalikes that rock up to your barbecue and fly around your head. You’ve probably thought on more than one occasion that they’re going to sting you and ruin your afternoon. But you look a little closer and realise they’re just harmless little pollinators that want to see what you’re up to. Bless. A flap of the hand and off they go.

On an unrelated note, Limerick’s TOOMS release their new EP The Shmeckoning this week; a three song, seven-minute romp that borrows as much from sludge, stoner and psychedelia as it does from grindcore, prog and death metal. Just one glance at the song titles and TOOMS feel dangerous: Anvil Crawler and Stabbed In The Head aren’t exactly the names of easy-going, fluffy songs, after all (although The Shmeckoning may be amongst the worst names we’ve seen so far this year).

Upon pressing play, it becomes clear quite quickly that this is ‘lowest common denominator’ death metal. Wrought guttural vocals and low slung bass paired with brash drums and chainsaw guitar are all the ingredients you expected, but Anvil Crawler does it in such a knuckle-dragging, meat-headed way that it gets real old real quick. Overstaying its welcome by a good couple of minutes, there’s an awful lot of fat to be trimmed, but even doing that would leave a dull and hollow song, even with the heaviness of the ending.

Stabbed In The Head starts in a more promising way, but then does nothing in the way of progression; there’s no cathartic payoff, instead feeling like a song that is stuck in pre-breakdown purgatory before simply ending. The final entry on The Shmeckoning – Megalobong 2 (The Great Whitey Shark) – leans more into the sludge and doom territory, with a final section that brings the tempo down and opts for more of a musical bludgeoning than the slashing of the previous tracks. While it may transfix you into a little headbanging here or there, it once again ends out of nowhere and thus, The Shmeckoning is done.

Hoverflies. They look dangerous but ultimately do nothing before flying off out of your personal space and out of your mind. Based on The Shmeckoning, TOOMS may be metal’s hoverflies. A passing glance makes you think they’re out to hurt you, but a closer look reveals they don’t really do anything at all. Flap your hand and this minor inconvenience to your day will go away.

Rating: 4/10

The Shmeckoning is out now via self-release.

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